|
| My discipleship guys and I were talking this past Friday up at the Bucks, and God was saying some stuff about how legalism never works, and that it's the Israelite's sacrifices in Isaiah. I never want to draw near You with my lips but have my heart far from You, Lord. That's just not a fun way to live. Actually, it's choosing not to live when you're free to. It's not honest, and be honest with yourself and God if no one else because God is truth and honesty is just knowing God and being able to express the minutest part of Him. So if not through work how do you change you ask, good question, it's by the renewing of your mind. And guess what you can't do that God has to do it and this is not of yourselves, it is the gift of God so that no man may boast. So then, be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Your bodies and hearts and minds are the sacrifice to be used and changed by God and our minds. Our minds. To be used and changed by God through renewal will you be made new, and it should be obvious but it's not and why haven't I gotten it before. Why don't I get it now. He desires mercy not sacrifice. Mercy. Whose mercy? God's mercy and it is not from you it is the gift of God a merciful gift from God. Mercy, sacrifice, boasting, renewal, change, truth. All these things I turn over to you, God, because I can't take this life any more on my own, and that's honestly truly living in me. Your Spirit, what a wondrous God you are with a glorious victory in Your son and I know this by Your Spirit.
And I fall face down as your glory shines around.
Brooke and I were talking about prayer, and I have a hard time with it. She said that she knew this one guy who used to bow close to the ground just out of passion. I can imagine Peter bowing pretty low after he was just mocking Christ by his denial. And what if we did the same. And cried. Like Peter, cried because we betrayed this man we love and we love Him because of the God he is. His best friend, and he cried for his best friend as the curtain of the temple tore from top to bottom. | | |
| So I've realized how little I care about tradition. Is that bad? We were eating the Lord's supper tonight, and we sang all the old hymns that everyone knows. One phrase that the pastor said got me thinking about tradition. "Before we take the Lord's supper," he said, "Let's worship." This scared me, because I knew exactly what he meant and exactly what we were about to do. We sang, prayed, and took the Lord's supper. Isn't the Lord's supper supposed to be worship? Why is singing now synonymous with worship? I love singing, and I like the old hymns, but God is so much more than an audience to sing to. No matter what you do, if you do it to glorify God, that's worship. Don't get me wrong, there are some things you can't do and glorify God at the same time, but eating the Lord's supper can definitely be worship. Also, I just want to pause and say I have the utmost respect for Brother Chuck and am profoundly confident in his theology, it was just his statement that got me thinking. But anyway, why did we do that tonight? The deacon who gave Spence and me our little glasses of grape juice didn't smile or laugh or answer back when we said thanks. Maybe it was the clothes. That's one thing I learned in Mexico. I went to that church in jeans, sandals, and a t-shirt, but I worshipped God. We all did. And then we get back to the US, and all of the sudden, khakies are required for God to be pleased. Which God are we worshipping? Is He the same One whom David danced for in his ephod? At the same time, though, reading in Romans, Paul is talking about eating pork and traditionally unclean food, and he tells the brothers who are "stronger in the faith" to avoid controversy by simply following the rules that the others follow, beacause unity is more important than eating pork. I don't even really like pork all that much. So I will continue to wear nice clothes on Sunday so as not to offend anyone on a small point of contention. But why do we take the Lord's supper? Is it not to remember Christ? That is worship, by my perhaps ill-conceived definition--glorification of God. And that we can do anywhere, anytime, wearing anything, with anyone, at any age, as long as we have a heart to worship God. For man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart. I wish you could all have heard a group of Mexican orphans in torn pants singing, "Como grande es Nuestro Dios" How great is our God. I don't know, but I have the feeling that God wasn't looking at their pants. | | |
| Hey, it's been a long time since I posted on xanga. I got kind of mad at it, so I stopped posting. It's strange to tell my life online now, for some reason. I don't know when I'll post again, and this one is nothing extraordinary, I know, but I just wanted to say hi to everyone, and that I love you. I hope you are all doing well. Come see the plays: Phantom- April 20-22, Chelsea Walls- May 1, 2, 4!!! Come see Phantom if you can, and support all those people who put so much work into that, but I'm really more excited about Chelsea Walls, so come out and support Brooke and Maggie and all the actors. Besides, you owe me. No one ever came to a Knowledge Bowl match. So just joking, but come out anyway. It'll be worth your time, I swear. Happy Birthday Leah. My prayer for all of you is that your love grows more and more in knowledge and depth of insight. I'm going to bed. Goodnight. | | |
| As I continue reading Revelation, I keep seeing two things in it. The first is God's power. I cannot describe it. The second is God's broken heart. Go read chapter nine, verses twenty and twenty-one. That breaks my heart. I have not written much about Revelation, but that is not to say that there is nothing there. It has so much stuff in it, it's not even funny. I just have not been moved to put any of it in writing. But, if you want to see God's power, love, mercy, wrath, and sadness in one book, read Revelation. | | |
| I feel like a prostitute. I was using that analogy in Bible club today, about how God is our bridegroom, and we turn our backs on Him and cheat on Him, and He still loves us. Yeah, so I'm a slut. I was very upset today, and for the first day in a while, someone noticed. So, why did I push them away? Who knows. I was mean about it though, which made me extremely upset, which everyone noticed. And then I taught a Bible study. And then I got a call from Josh and his discipleship guys to talk about my group. I don't deserve a group or a teaching position, but I get them anyway. It's a blessing. A blessing from a God that I run away from. Why did all this happen today? Poetry, with no one to read it. Isn't that a stupid reason? But do you want to know the real reason? It's because I never go anywhere joyful when I run away from God. That was my day. It was really crappy. I always have the worst days when I run from God. He still loves me. I'm glad about that. I can always run to Him, even on my worst days. I wish I could go back and live today over again, and I would tell them what was on my mind. Poetry. | | |
|
